xiang2jian4

2012-01-17T08:08:00.000+08:00

It has been quite sometime I didn't blog in english. I have been to Taiwan for more than 2 months. Today I will be leaving Hualien and moving to Taipei for 1 month.

To be honest, I can barely sleep yesterday night. Most probably this is the first morning that I wake up before 7 since I got here. Since I have nothing to do, I try to reflect what I did for the past 2 months. Now I started to doubt if I am living a Christian's life. The impression I gave to others more or less are about the same. But there are some aspects which I don't think are supposed to be found on a Christian's life. Sigh... Oh Lord, please have mercy on me.

I spent 2 hours sitting at the seaside yesterday thinking about my life and yet I realise actually my foundation & faith to God is not firm enough to survive without a bunch of church friends. And seriously I have lots of stuff to catch up with the all the friends I have. To be honest, sometime I just have no one to share / talk to. Firstly is because I don't simply share my stuff and secondly, I don't think they will understand my situation as it might be hard for them to imagine some irrelevant stuff. God gave me a very special life that some of the experience are seriously precious and memorable. It might be bitter at first but it will definitely turn out to be a good one. But in other words, it is hard to get somebody who can understand how I feel fully.

2011-09-16T18:01:00.003+08:00

It has been 1 week since my last day @ MyDEAL.

Before I started working, a lot of seniors / friends advice me that I have to always protect myself as you can hardly get a sincere friend at workplace. I always choose to ignore it as I thought this is just a myth, but now reality prove to me that I'm wrong.

Not to say that I have been thinking too much over this past few days or what. But some incident happened yesterday and now I don't miss my working place anymore. It is so sarcastic when I still remember I told every of my interviewee that MyDEAL is a very special working place where you get FRIENDS instead of COLLEAGUES. We are more than just colleagues. We hang out often (for movie, Karaoke, and alcohol) but once you are not part of the company, you are nothing.

I thought they knew me but in fact they are not. Suddenly I feel so scary as they are so fake and superb in pretending.

Perhaps it is time to go back to the reality. And thank you for letting me know at the correct timing. At first I miss my working place and all the workmate so much. But now, I can proudly say that, MyDEAL is no longer important to me anymore.

2011-03-20T06:03:00.002+08:00

Finally I had a day for myself.

To be honest, since I started working, I seldom had break. I spent most of my time and my attention to my job. Since this is my first job, I always make sure that I am performing well and I need to finish my all task.

However, I don't like my life. Sometimes I felt like I'm a machine. I spent almost 12 hours working a day. Sometimes I never see my parents for a few days. My home is like a hotel to me.

Finally I decided to get crazy for 1 day. Skipped the youth leadership training this morning. Spent most of the day on the things I used to do back in uni time. Surfing the website that I used to go, try some new recipe and sleep.

It is already 6am now. I felt tired but I don't want to sleep. Instead, I feel like I'm back to the uni kids whom I am allowed to be crazy and wild.

..................

Yes, all these while I'm being super rational.

That is why I can impress my boss and get the position I'm holding.
That is why I can having the stupid daily routine which make me hate my life.

and that is way I seems okay even it is now 8 months and 5 days since we broke up.

Sigh...to be honest, i still feel the pain. Yet, I choose to be rational. And I'm almost getting crazy just to keep myself always rational and doing the right thing.

AARRRGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-01T17:31:00.002+08:00

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for Your precious love and constantly showing Your mercy grace and faithfulness to me.

Here I praise You and unto Your hands I commit my whole life especially for the year 2011. May You continue to guide me, mold me with Your own ways. Made me the tunnel of Your blessing flows to people around me. Keep me as a good soil, so that I am sensitive to Your voice and continue to show me love and mercy so that I can be more like you.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

2010-08-22T21:27:00.000+08:00

finally it is my CONVO day!!!

and finally I'm home sweet home!!!

feeling exhausted after long day of running here n there and being fooled like a duck...

anyway, it is all over now! HURRAY!!!!

2010-08-15T21:22:00.002+08:00

sigh...2 weeks since I started working.
Have to cope with it and I need to start picking up other parts of my life URGENTLY.
honestly, I don't think I have a life now.

There are just endless problems between people for you to deal with when you are in an office. You need to be aware of potential backstabbers, and you need to deal with your colleagues really really carefully so that you won't pissed them off and get revenge from them. At the same time, you need to finish all the task given.

Ain't easy to be a working adult, right?

2010-07-30T01:54:00.002+08:00

Emo now. Better not to talk nor type.

Just wanna say something out LOUD here. Or else you might see me @ tomorrow's headline.

You just never act what you have said or promise. You told everyone that you are fine and you can treat me just like a normal friend. Sorry you are not doing so lo. Remember last time we promised to give each other some time? What you did? You phoned me like nothing happened. You said good friends can share n chit chat like that. And you boiled leong shui for me. And then again you asked why cant a good friend boil leong shui? Admit it la~ you are just avoiding problems. And you are really good @ it.

You said you would support me to go overseas, for travel, for work or for studies. And we ended up almost break up 2 times when one in KL and another in hometown. And you promised not to buy anything for my nephew and niece. And guess how much you spent on them since you start working? I totally lost my faith on you.

Now you told everyone that you have calm down. And you know God's will. Sorry, based on the person I know. You are just avoiding Him. He is working. I can clearly see that. He made your life miserable. No matter church, serving, job, BGR or even family. If you still behave like this, sorry I must say that God will give you another bigger hit so that you can understand.

You said God gave you lots of good friends to show you love and support when He took something away. Honestly do you think that all of the friends are sent by God? DUH. Look around you. How many friends that you can really share everything and anything?
And at the same time, they can guide you and help you grow spiritually? ALMOST NONE.

I don't know if you still read my blog. But one thing I can for sure is you cant finish this post after reading the first 2 paragraphs. If you don't really face yourself and the problems lied between. Sorry to say God will just have to use another tough way.

2010-07-21T04:13:00.002+08:00

FULAMAK!!! The last 2 posts here is like 2 years ago... So many things happened within this few years and yes. I’m like nothing but a stranger to some of you. (And I don't know why I m talking as if other people will read this)

To be honest, I wish this blog will be a private one but yet deep inside my heart I still hope that someday, somebody will come to me and say "hey! I read your blog, and I know you are facing problems, anyway, you are doing well so KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!"

Sigh...too early for day-dreaming...

YES, I can't deny that I feel lonely sometimes...
I have lots of friends.
I did my best to try to make more friends in university, but ended up I have bunch of people knowing my names and that's all. I don't think they know where I stay or where is my hometown. Most of them were hi-bye friends. Now guess what that leads to? YAY~ I have bunches of long-lost-hi-bye friends. What that means to me? I just don’t know and I don’t like it. Not like I will contact them when I am free. Neither I will call them for fun when I m bored nor hang out with them. So WHAT FOR I KEEP THEIR CONTACTS?!?! Sigh…

And the next question popped up. So how many close friends do you have? And how many of them really know you? And how many among those who really know you can cheer you up when you needed them most?

Honestly, I don’t know but I guess I have some of these from my church? Perhaps there might be some from UTAR CF? Other than that, honestly I don’t know.

And I feel bad when I think about my spiritual mates. I have a few since secondary school. But today, I don’t even know where they work? Or where they study… Really sad huh?

2009-11-29T18:15:00.001+08:00

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2009-02-01T00:12:00.000+08:00

I need prayer support. Frankly speaking, I am LOST...yes, lost AGAIN...yup, lost again TODAY...

No grandma stories, straight to the point, it is about my studies again. I just don't know why God has chosen this path for my studies. My studies was great since I was small. I am always a good student before I entered UTAR. Everytime after a problem solved, God will put another problems in my studies until I cant tahan. Each time when I think God is done with my studies, God will immediately put something extra for me. I know the theories, I know I should claim the promises in bible not to worry and everything will turned out to be good but the process isn't comfortable for me.

The feeling is like walking alone in a dark small valley. Although I know God has control of everything but...I am scared. I don't understand why my campus life will be such different and special from others. Why can't I have a simple normal campus life? The studies in UTAR is always a torn in my body, like what Paul had. Everytime when I comes to studies, I think of Paul who asked God to take away the torn but God answered him in 2 Cor 12: 8-9 「And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 」

I need prayer support to really apply this scripture into my life. I am so worry for my studies, this semester, I am joining the a new batch of students whom I never study with them before. This is already 3rd time I need to fit in another batch of juniors. Not only fit in but I need to group with people to finish assignments while they already in groups. Besides that, I need to take courses with restructure syllabus (new lecturers of course) and redo all the assignments again.

I have been praying for big pictures in my life. Why God put my studies in such a situation I need to undergo all these. I almost beh tahan already!!! Please constantly pray for me especially for my studies. I am really lost.

2009-01-07T21:10:00.002+08:00

hmm, I went to taiwan after christmas and I am back~
I dropped my wallet there and the trip is still nice. memorable.
After I came back, spent a few days just to reapply my IC, driving lisence and all those.

Today went back to school and discuss about my course with my course tutor.
And here is my new timetable for this coming long semester. I will be study with 4 groups of people and actually I am taking only 4 subjects. In other words, I am dealing with lots of people now...sigh..

my timetable :
Mon: 8-10, 1-2
Tues: 9-1230
Wed: 10-1, 2-4
Thurs: 8-11
Fri: 8-10

scary...i will have classes non stop for continuously 3 hours twice a week?!
sigh...just pray that I will have good classmates...I need people to go through this with me...
in Jesus's name, AMEN..

2008-12-25T21:41:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas, to me.
First time I have so touch by the service in Kepong. I see hope inside, and I strongly feel that I belongs here.

Glad that I am going to teach the teenagers next year. Hopefully I can settled down with them, although I am not good at kids...But since I start teaching sunday school, I really feel that God is pulling me back to Youth Fellowship, and preparing me to serve full time in the future.

Blessed me~

anyway, wish you all have a blessed christmas, and get to know the true meaning of christmas this year.

2008-12-21T19:55:00.002+08:00

It has been one week since I sit for final. the result will be out by tomorrow I think?

This few weeks I start getting closer to MYF again...I say so because I bumped into a few activities of MYF because of sunday school teachers' meeting, and I was shocked when I had a great feeling that says I belongs here. And I hang out more often with them nowadays. And hopefully I can really go back to this place la...

I spent a lot for the preparation to taiwan...sigh...hopefully this trip will be a fruitful one...

2008-12-15T12:32:00.001+08:00

going backpack to taiwan...
26 Dec - 3 Jan...

lots of things to prepare due to lack of preparation during exam times...
hmm...going to be busy till i come back perhaps?

2008-12-04T13:05:00.002+08:00

Dec is a month where all my money will flow to dont know where until nothing left.
For the first time in a month, I spent a few major expenses within one month. Totally break my previous record.

Bought a K800i for RM300, and Taiwan trip flight ticket cost RM1600. Going to buy a backpack and a big pouch. And going to spend about RM1300 there...

Totally PK already....

2008-11-30T14:01:00.000+08:00

today is 29 Nov.
final on 15 Dec.

tat means i have 16 days to study for my simulation final.
can i manage to get an A for this?

pass then enough la~
phewww..

2008-11-23T23:52:00.002+08:00

Today I keep questioning myself. What is the goal that I set for myself last year? What I want to archieve in 2008?

Last time, God told me that this will be the sabbath year for me. And I changed the blog title to "Be still" as I receive the message from God. I don't know it will turn out to be in a way such that I was suspended from school for one semester. The Cheong Keen now compared to last year, is really different.

Some say that I am growing too fast, but I just don't know should I be happy or sad for the compliment. I believe that everything happen with a purpose. I need to get to know the purpose behind all these. I need to know my priority and set my life time vision very clear.

Just I need more time to figure it out.

2008-11-20T21:08:00.002+08:00

next week is week 7, the last week of this short semester. To be honest, I am using this short semester and next long semester to check whether I want to continue or not, since I no need to pay any of the fees and even if I withdraw, I will not get back the money.

When I flashed back the 6 weeks of my studies, I don't know if I'm capable to handle the course. I don'y know if I had change since my case happened, or this is the real me when I am serious about my studies. If this is the real me, I think I will be having a very very bad time when I am trying to finish this course and get the degree.

Having dilemma when I was trying to take the test and finish the assignments given. Although most of the students claims that they are just about my level, but as I can see from the test result, haih...

But I am really grateful for my test one result. I thought I have max 30 plus. but ended up I have 49! which is almost half~ When I first get back my paper, I was so shocked! This is call grace! You receive something that you are not deserved. But then now when I think back, I don't know if this 49 will get me through the semester final or not. Sigh...

Will be praying hard for my semester final...

2008-11-11T21:10:00.002+08:00

Today I just had my very first test since I resume my studies. I was so worry yesterday night. Worry what would happened if the result turns out to be something not that pleasant. Worry this worry that. Blah blah blah..

Today the university annouced that my course's structure has been changed, efficient starting next year. That means, next year I will be having some papers with the current group, and some with the batch I thought I dropped. The structure is still very very messy and I need time to sort things out.

Working on assignments now and hopefully I can make it on time.

2008-11-07T01:36:00.002+08:00

Time flies...
No more week 4...
Next week I will be having mid terms...
And I have 2 assignment due on week 6...

Good news is the assignment is the same as last year, but the bad news is I cant understand why I wrote like that last year. Am I working for too long until I can't catch up with the syllabus or what?

Hmm. I don't care la. As long as I got things to pass up then okay. I didn't copy also. It is true that I did it myself. But just I forgot why I write like that je mar...

About the backpackers gang...

Jiaping from Melaka is finally paying KL gang a visit. This aunty really geng chao, as she, a 50 plus years old, still can go backpack alone. But this time she comes to KL basically is to do a body check-up with her hands la. The condition not really good.

This year Christmas eve, I have 2 choices, 1st is to join the church's carolling teaml; 2nd is to celebrate with friends @ Souled Out cafe bar. A place where I miss the most. Sigh. How to choose?

2008-11-03T23:25:00.002+08:00

hmm, getting back to lazy...
but it is already week 4...
only 1 month to go before it is final...
time flies...need to catch back so many things...
seems like i am just not well prepared for uni life after-all...

2008-10-28T20:20:00.002+08:00

I just lost a so-called "friend" last night. He is one of the backpackers form Malaysia. He is a playboy and he actually sexually harass another friend of mine. They met for only 10 days and this guy actually ask for sex. My friend told me about this, and I was not happy. I did nothing. But the situation goes wrong when more and more people knows. Soon, the whole gang of people can roughly guess what is happening.

Last time I was having conversation with another taiwanese backpackers, I was shocked when they told me they actually knew about this long time ago. He used the same way to tackle most of the girls even from taiwan. Since then I know he is just so unctuous. Even the taiwanese knows about him.

When majority of the group were having a nice trip in Kelantan, both people called me during nighttime, when we were all actually sleeping. They kept asking me. I think I should tell them as they deserved to know. I don't know how the story goes if they continue to guess blindly. And I think they deserve to know as they are also members of this group, even I promised him not to mentioned this issue again. But I think what I did is correct lo. If some of your friends did some evil deed and ask you to keep it as secrets, will u do so? At least I don't think that is what a friend should do lo. For me, I think we, as a friend, when a friend of mine did something bad, I will confront and advice him/her lo. Besides that, I think the other people deserve to know what is happening lo. This is not that personal. Sooner or later people will know. But I don't care now.

Yesterday night when I was sleeping, he phoned me around 1230am and scolded me. I never fight back and he hanged up the phone. Smsed a few frens as I scare I will forget the content of conversation, I went to bed again. Then soon, he called back and scolded me for second time, then I began to fight back. (Usually I let him shoot whatever he want then let him hang up the phone.) But since I fight back, he scolded me with more harsh words and even touch on my religion. Finally he said he doesn't have a friend like me and wish me to go to hell soon.

Basically for me I think he just turn shame into anger as he claims that everyone knows what he did. He even phoned the girl and scolded her as he think the girl mislead everyone to think that he almost raped her. But still, I think what I did is correct and I don't really care what he is going to do to me. I believe people are not blind. They have their eyes to see. Time will prove everything.

Having bad mood because of this.. Sigh.. Why I get to know this kind of people one..

After talking to MichelleShia, I have a clearer mind. I should not say to lost a friend but to protect myself from evil. He is not a Christian and is behaving this way. This reminds me that the bible say do not allow evil to have a chance to come nearby you. Just like how our parents do not allow us to go out late at night because it is dangerous. I should stay away from him.

And now, I don't care if I lose this friend as I have nothing to lose. There is no changes if he is a friend or a stranger to me. If he knows I'm a true friend, he would come back to me after he has change.

Another friend of mine says "Open rebuke is better than hidden love. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. What I did is correct. I should rebuke him and also give warning to others because they might be in trouble too, especially girls."

2008-10-23T00:14:00.002+08:00

Finally I had my normal student life again. Having 6 hours of lectures, 2 hours of practical and 1 hour of tutorial each week for only 1 subject. Siao e. Each week spend about 9 hours just for this particular subject. But this one is a core subject as this subject is the subject that can reflect my course graduate future career.

Don't know if I am lucky or what. Actually I went through the course last year. The syllabus still about the same but it is more compressed and more easy. Maybe it is because I am learning this for the second time gua.

This friday I am gonna to be super busy. I have to do farewell for my fellow colleagues in Pulse. Will hang out with them for few hours, before I get to sleep well for my Kelantan trip on Sat.

YEA~ going to Kelantan with my backpacker friends. Can be counted as the FIRST time gathering for the backpackers in Malaysia. And we have a few DSLR cameras going with us, so I think this is going to be fun.

I think that's all for now. Don't know what to write already.
So, please continue to pray for my life la.

2008-10-18T15:02:00.002+08:00

1st week is over. Everything seems to be fine till now.
Had my 1st 2 hours lectures on Thursday. I get blur when it almost comes to an end.
And so far I can understand all what the lecturer is trying to say la.
So I have a feeling that this will be a good one.

Wanted to change my handphone. Instead of changing, I want to buy a new handphone, and a new line as well. My happy was gone. So if I ever bought this handphone, the current one that I am using, will be using to "cook porridge" with the HAPPY line.

I wanted to buy SE K800i, but the sad news is there is no more brand new handphone for this model. They only offer recond and second-hand. But still cost me for around RM600 plus for this. Hmm. I am still looking for a good quality one la. I don't want to take a brand new phone which I don't like also. So if any1 can offer me nice n good K800i, remember to tell me wor.

Or is there any of my friends are selling phones?

2008-10-15T12:13:00.002+08:00

The first day for me to go back to uni is okay.
Didn't managed to go into classes but everthing turned out to be okay.
Especially when I go back to register my course and reactive my intranet.
I went back to DSA and talked with some of the officers, get myself updated.
Check the timetable and cabut.

Spend lunch hour with Dawn, get some updates from her.
and then rush back to Kepong for my family celebration dinner~

YEA~ 13 Oct is a nice day~

2008-10-15T12:01:00.002+08:00

I had a great birthday this year~
I had a few celebrations and I have more than 100 friends wished me happy birthday~
Thank you Lord for giving me such a memorable birthday.

One thing I want to highlight is I was shocked when I receive the most expensive presents that I have never come across. It is a gold necklace with a key infront. The whole necklace cost RM1700++. Hualau e. Now I do not dare to wear that out too. Sigh.

2008-10-13T00:20:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow I will go back to my uni, after such a case.
To be honest, I am really scare and worry.

So here I pray.
Dear Heavenly Father, I hope can easily adopt to the new situation and Father, I pray that You will open a way for me. I claim the promise in Matthew chapter 6 and I proclaim that the Almighty God will prepare everything that I need for this 2 years. Thanks for giving me a chance to start my uni life once again. I pray that You may lead me on my every single steps and let my uni life to be a life that can glorify God's name.

Father, You know my worries. Grant me wisdom so that I know how to deal with the people. Especially when I need friends and my uni's staff to help me in starting my uni life once again.
I need friends for classes. I need friends for groups assignment. I need the staff to follow up my registration and all the admin work so that I can continue my course easily.

I commit everything unto Your hand, O Father.
In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

2008-10-09T23:18:00.002+08:00

Lately I am involved into a messy BGR. I mean it is not actually my fault but now I am the one who need to clean up the mess. It is simply a friend of mine, whom accidently bumped into another friend of mine who is such a big jerk. I know he is a playboy, but I never expect him to be so...hmm...how to describe him more suitable le? He is worse than the word "yan zha" (in cantonese)

So lately most of my time are sacrified because of this big mess, except the time for me to work and think about my coming 21st birthday.

and YEA~ finally I get to earn my first RM1000+ before I reach 21.

2008-10-03T00:34:00.002+08:00

Currently I feel like really struggled with the question "Continue? or not?" Of course this is mainly my personal problem about my studies. I have less than 10 days to decide before the school reopen. Sigh.

All the factors are telling me to stay. Even I sensed that God want me to stay. He brought me here with a purpose. I am like Jonah now. Obey or not, that is the question.

But I have lots of fears inside me that stopping me to do so.

I worry if I can not get a new group of assignment friends. How if I fail any of the paper again? I don't have supplementary paper to help me anymore. That means there is a very high possibility that I might take more than 1 and half year to get my Actuarial Science degree. I scare if I can not take those juniors' opinion on me. How would they think of me? Sigh.

I wish I can rewind the time and let me start again my university life. Just like when we play games, we can restart anytime we think we can do better.

Can u get me the super-extraordinary remote control?

2008-09-30T22:50:00.002+08:00

Finally I made up my mind not to hold any birthday party for myself even this is my 21st birthday. Everyone has a 21st birthday. Don't know since when, a 21st birthday party become so important. Haha.

I can't deny I came across to a few 21st birthday party which are really really great in this year. But just that I think I am not ready to pull all my friends together as a whole. There is nothing in common in all the categories of friends I have. UTAR CF people is UTAR CF people, AS coursemates is AS coursemates, SRC is SRC, KepongCMC is KepongCMC, Isaiah schoolmates is Isaiah schoolmates, Backpackers gang is backpackers gang and etc. Sigh... I can imagine how messy will the party be if all this people are together.

So finally I made up my mind not to hold any birthday party for myself. And here I announce that "Cheong Keen is free on 11-13 October!" (If you can get my message, please, ASK ME OUT!)

2008-09-11T03:11:00.002+08:00

Finally I know what is the main reason I can not access to internet like last time. It is Streamyx's fault. Now I can only online when it is almost mid night. So since this monday, I sleep during day time, and I come online about 11pm until 3am. Sometimes I can help my friends who are sitting for finals. I can keep them awake while they are trying their best by burning mid night oil.

Some random and messy updates.
- bought air tickets to taiwan this year end.
- going to celebrate Mid Autumn tomorrow with CG.
- going to welcome some of the Msia backpackers who just come back all over the world tomorrow as well.
- still owe a few people their birthday present. ( need to go to christian bookstore already.)
- need to transfer money to Cheryl for the air tickets.
- promise Thin Hui to control PA during her birthday party in Grand Central Hotel.
- need to buy a mask for Thin Hui's birthday party.

2008-09-09T03:28:00.002+08:00

wanted to write something here...but cant really find any topic that I want to write... feeling dilemma... simply because feeling unsecure to my future...

whether I should make my own decision or should I obey my parents and push responsibilities back to them when there is any troubles?

sometimes I wish that I am really that tough. But sometimes I think I was tough from the outside. I feel very tired I feel very demotivated now when people talk abt my studies.

Used to have this kind of feeling only when people ask me to do something out of their favour. Even though I have the abilities and I am capable. Sometimes I can give people big n huge super reaction/ response if I am not at good mood.

sigh...really messy thoughts...

2008-09-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

some random updates~

- decided to start serving in Sunday School.
- decided to start joining back Youth Fellowship.
- start getting closer to my church old friends.
- my sister is going to give birth around my bday.
- going to buy air ticket this week to taiwan.
- dunno if my bday party is still on.

hehe.meaningless post.

2008-08-28T00:03:00.001+08:00

back from the famine camp. had a great time there. although was surrounded by 98% strangers but yet they are really friendly.

Below are just some random updates from the camp.

I felt sad as I assumed my ahma dun have many christian friends but suprisingly, she has lots of angel around her, eg.) Eric, Hui Yi, KP. I felt sad as I had a chance to meet and talk with them more personal but ended up nothing. Haha. Dunno? Just like I wish to meet more christians nowadays. After the scary accident happened in my life.

The same group of friends reminds me about my old lost contact friends. Don't ask me why. I myself also don't know. Through the interaction with them made me think back of old days. Especially 3 guys. Eric, KP and Kel Vinn. (Male students in HELP are much more outstanding than the girls, at least they are more eye-catching.) I saw lots of common sense in between him n the old me. Haha, will ask ahma for confirmation. KP, this guy is quite cute. Yes, you didn't read it wrongly. I am using the word CUTE. Haha. He is some sort of my "a tou"(head) in this event. But throughout the whole event, get to see his true colors also. Haha. Everyone shows their true colors when they get really exhausted and tired, even myself. Kel Vinn is a guy which I didn't talked to him much. Just his face is sooo familiar to me until for the 30+ hours I kept thinking whose face looks similar to his. But till now I can't really figured it out. Haha. Nevermind, Ahma had the same feeling since she met him but till now she also cannot think of any names. So I am not that bad afterall.

Met 1 of my cousin. She was a volunteer for the event inside the stadium. She is going for Working Holiday in New Zealand. Lots of common things in between me n her, right? Haha, but the sad thing is, we are just those type of cousins who know each other's name and that's all. Haha. Weirdo.

This week spent 3 days in hospital. Nanny just undergo a small surgery call ANGIOGRAM. So these 3 days I was stucked in hospital and finally get to rest for a while.

2008-08-22T00:48:00.001+08:00

Won't be on9 till Sunday night.
Gonna miss my computer~
*sob sob*

Coz I will be busy for something else.
Got no time for internet also~
=)

2008-08-19T14:47:00.002+08:00

"I am so sorry to tell you that our brother Gideon Chan has past away this morning. Please pray for his family. " I was shocked after I receive this sms.

A college student who is just 22 years old. Die because of accident.

I have a special feeling also. This is because when I first met him, I mean like after a few days we get to know each other, he already get himself involved in a car accident and ask for companion to Police Station. So this time when Ms. Louise mentioned that he die because of accident. My feelings stirred.

God has his own timing la. Sigh.

Sometimes, I wish I am next, so that I won't be worrying so much.
Just don't know if God willing to let me go in.

2008-08-18T21:16:00.002+08:00

My MSN nickname might sound too depress for some of my friends until quite a number of them came and talked to me. Firstly thanks for the concern but for you guys information, my life is okay. I mean at least there is nothing much troubles. Just like I feel worry for my future, I don't know. I feel unsecured. I don't feel like the test will ends here. But I don't dare to take up any more challenges. I know this is kind of spiritual war in between my fear and my own feelings. I wish my life is more easier. I wish my life is just like others. I am too afraid to bare up the responsibilities. I am getting to know more about this reality world after this event. I am so glad that God has already put so many angels and teachers around me to help me. I need time. I need strength. I need to know where I should go. Where is the place that He want me to be?

Sigh. Will keep praying for myself.

2008-08-17T12:27:00.002+08:00

end of week 12.
this week I didn't work at all.
went to MiTM, a smaller travel fair.
although i felt like being cheated, but i still managed to check the air ticket price on dec from KL to taipei. Both Eva Airlines and China Airlines are costing me around RM1600+. sigh. sooo expensive.

went back to my secondary high school after 3 years i graduated.
saw a few old friends. when i left the skol, they were soo young and now all of them are going to graduate. thankful as they still can recognize my face. haha. so "special" who dare to forget?

went to HELP University College for the famine 30 camp volunteers training. had a great time there as my secondary skolmate, amy, and my church friend, hui yi, are close friends now. both of them are committees, in the same department as well, so i get to hang out with the whole department head. get to know a few more nice friends~ =)

sigh...this coming week will be another tough week.

ohya, get to talk to bernard cheah who is currently working in Penang. he has a lovely girlfriend now~ haha. wen we were talking, he mentioned abt a gal who named LILIAN. haha. who is LILIAN? i want to know too. it is kinda weird when he suddenly pumped out with this name. haha. wondering where he get his sources. haha.

2008-08-11T20:00:00.002+08:00

Supposingly this is my week 11.
Supposingly I am very very busy with all the assignment due dates.
Supposingly I will be very annoy with all the things that I need to complete.
Supposingly I have many worries as I put less effort in lecture weeks as I used to do.

But things change.
I worked part time for few weeks.
Earned some pocket money.
And currently I am so worry as I cannot login my student intranet.
Sigh. So many things happened.

Even though I know God is still in control,
I wish I can have peace in my heart.
I wish I can feel secure in Him.

Sigh....

2008-08-05T22:09:00.001+08:00

It has been 1 month since i am suspended. Short semester is coming but I haven't really make up my mind whether to continue my course or start another new one. If I would like to continue then I have to get back to uni by this short semester. And I have ONE and Half year to go before I can graduate.

My father side already made his stand. He said he reluctantly let me to change to a new course since so many things happened. In other words, I don't think he is willing to let me change my course whole-heartily. I think it's just because logically he knew if he still refuse to let me change my course, people will think that he is not reasonable. But I don't wish to transfer to another course under this circumstances.

Another side I have no answer after I've been praying for all these while. But if I really continue, I don't know what course to choose and where to start. But strangely, all I had in mind is the troubles I might face if I continue my studies. I don't know if this is the fear that He sent to me. Please keep me in prayer if possible.

And let me know if you have any feedbacks. I am lost and I don't know what to choose is right.

2008-07-28T13:17:00.002+08:00

It has been two weeks I never go back to my campus already... Everyday is almost the same for me...Feeling weird when you are so free while all your coursemates are soo busy with their assignments and all those...

Anyway, God is still in control...I went for a warehouse sales last week...Not to buy but as a helper...To be exact is a part-timer la...But then I feel quite happy despite of all the hardwork...I am just starting to like the working enviroment la... =) August they will have another one...So most probably I will go again...LOL...

Anyway, I am still doing fine here...If you are still reading my blog...But this blog I am kinda changing it into more personal and if you are reading this, please do not discuss with me about the issues here...I don't mean to open discuss my thoughts which have been written here...

sigh...2 months to go...What to do in this 2 months?

I don't want to help my dad as I don't want to get involved in the business...1st is I don't want him to use excuses and force me to continue his business (like what he did to keep me inside my course till now.) 2nd is simply because I don't want to be in between my dad and my mum who always quarrel in the office...I just wish to try something else...I worry if I am stucked with them 24 hours a day...I will only discover more and more sickness and will starting to hate or dislike them more and more...

Sigh...

Anyway, still looking for more part time jobs~
hehe~ GAMBATE~

2008-07-12T01:55:00.001+08:00

Revelation 3:7-8
『"To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write:
These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.』

I know this verse from the movie 《Facing the Giants》I watched recently. This movie brings me great impacts. It actually helps me to face the problem that I am facing now.

There is one particular scene that reminds me about my current situation. In the movie, when Shiloh Eagles lost to Princeton Hiltons, all of the team were so sad and wanted to give up, including the coachs. But then some higher authority phoned them by informing them that the Princeton actutally disqualified because they had broken the rule.

I know before His blessings fall, definately we will have to go through a lot of hard time. The bigger the present, the bigger the difficulty. I am just like the Shiloh eagles where I just need to wait for a phone call from my authority! In the bible verse says, He had already placed an open door before me! And this door can not be shut by any other person.

I don't know when will my situation turns back to be normal. But He already saved me from termination of studies. He is my shepard and He knows my needs. He is the provider and I shall not worry.

I feel glad and thankful for God to put this movie in my life during this period of time. Hopefully "the call for me" will reach very soon la.

2008-07-07T23:32:00.002+08:00

Appeal failed...

That means no more classes till 12 October...
And need to pay the university a certain amount of money...

Please do not ask about my situation...
Not in the mood to talk on this issue...
Hate those people who seems like show a lot of concern by asking lots of questions but they will forget everything a few hours later... (YES, I am talking about you~) I can't understand why keep asking... it seems like you are showing concern but that actually hurts~

Wish to go away for 2 weeks...
Just do not want to stay in Malaysia...
But where can I go???

2008-07-06T23:33:00.002+08:00

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. ~Proverbs 21:1

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

Dear Heavenly Father,

I know that You love me. I know that You are actually answering my prayer by molding me into a tool that You would like to use, a person that will please Your heart. I know there are always difficult times before Your blessings come. I need strength and I need peace. I need wisdom to make the wise decision. I want my life to be a life that can glorify Your name. I never leave You nor deny You. And I know all these while, You are still accompanying me walking n breathing every single moment. God, I will lift up everything to You. I will invite You to reign my life again. I want You to be the king of my life. I will enthrone you whole-hearted. I just want You to know that I will always need You. As I claims the promises inside the bible. I hope that You can guide me and bring me to the place where my sheppard wants me to be. May I listen to your voice again. Just like Abraham, You lead him moving from one place to another. Please let me experience Your presence once again.

In Jesus name I prayed, AMen.

2008-07-05T19:56:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when you know you parent did something wrong, what you want to know?

I was angry at first because they lied to some1 by saying that I made a mistake. But in fact, I didn't. Then soon I realise that in bible, God want us to honor our parents. So I treat it as nothing. But when I flashed back, I don't think I should just stepped back and do nothing. I don't know? Never realise that before.

And lately I bought a necklace which is very very nice. But another thing I concern is whether what I worry is true or not. This is because last time I remember people saying that different design of CROSS bring different meanings of cross. So if it is true, I want to know what is the meaning behind this cross. Simply because I don't want to carry this cross before I know the true meaning behind it.

Had a great day. Although next week I have 3 test and I will meet the president personally for my appeal. God is not done with me yet. This one I am very sure.

Pray for me if you read this la.

Thanks~

2008-06-22T12:17:00.002+08:00

super long time never write anything here.
my last post is on 31 May. It is about 3 weeks liao.
sigh...sometimes even I sit here, I don't know what to record.

But English is getting poor.
Need some English speaking friends to keep talking.
I scare next time I cant speak so fluent already.

2008-05-31T21:08:00.001+08:00

It is almost 2 weeks since my last post.
Hmm, it is been tough times for me since April.
I though of writing the experience down but everytime I plan to write something, half way then I don't know how to continue. Sigh.
Anyway, just write something here to tell you guys that I am still around if you still come and visit this blog frequently.

2008-05-20T17:30:00.002+08:00

I had nothing to do this whole afternoon and accidentally bumped into yaofong's old blog...

A few semester before this, he write an entry by quoting my MSN nickname... And today, the quote remind myself once again. Coincident ya?

I said this last time " Results are not important but ATTITUDE matters." or something like that... Lazy to check back but it carries this meaning. What is the real purpose of your studies? To learn or to get a good result or to prepare yourself for your future career? But most of the time you are just trying to compete and compare yourselves with others, and try not to lose face among your friends.

I wrote this when I first think of withdraw from this course. But 1 year pass and I am still here. I don't really know what this meant to you but I can feel that there are some hidden messages behind this.

Sigh... I still can't figure it out why I am being placed in this situation currently but still I belive that since He was the one who brought me here, definately He has prepared something special for me here. He is not finished with me yet.

2008-05-14T23:07:00.003+08:00

1 Chronicles 4:9-10 saying that
"And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God granted him what he requested. "

Dear Father in Heaven, I know that it is a good chance for me to learn. I prayed for you to "enlarge my territory". So deep in my mind I know that this is all because of Your will. May Your will be done but not mine. Teach me how to obey and be humble and may my whole life can glorify Your name. Bless me tomorrow as I need to representating a child of Yours. I lay everything to Your hand and I believe that since You brough me here, You will bring me through all these. I know this is a tough time. And I made a few mistakes but still I pray for peace within me. I claim the promised in Jeremiah 333 and I know that You will protect me, show me the right path and company me all the way along the journey. I give praise to Your name and I am really thankful because You sent so many angels to help me in this matter. Deep in my mind I know you still have full control in my life. Lead me as I come before you. In Jesus name I pray, AMen.

2008-05-13T13:55:00.002+08:00

Sigh..2 more days then i will meet the panel and most probably i will have the result on that day. Whether it is termination or suspention or whatever...

Sorry not to update my blog as often as I used to be... This semester was a tough semester for me even I take only 3 subjects. (Usually I take 5-6 subjects in a long semester.) I just don't know from where all these suddenly popped out and keep hunting me for a few months...

I just don't know if I am on the right path as He want me to be.

sigh..very nervous and very worry..
cant sleep well these few nights..
despite of my nanny (who is currently very sick), another will be this panel thing..
Everynight I have nightmares..And I don't know why I still can remember clearly all the dreams these few days..

sigh..
Someone say I am giving myself too much pressure.
I just don't know la..

I know you might want to tell me that
"Don't worry too much la..Worry also no use la..Cant help also.."
Bu it is always easy to say than to do..

Teach me how la..

2008-05-07T22:32:00.001+08:00

sigh...long time never write anything here...
even myself won't drop by everyday...

good...
this will eventually make this blog private and soon I can write whatever that I am thinking...
haha...NONSENSE...
no matter how many readers also I will continue my style of blogging la...

I don't care if you don't like my blog...

If you don't like it then just go away la...

sigh...I may lost my temper very easy lately...sigh...
just too much things around me...

2008-04-29T20:38:00.000+08:00

sigh...the past 1 month was terrible..
i am facing the biggest problems in my life but now i am back to normal although the problem havent solved yet..

sigh..
will tell you guys after the thing is settled down..
but if you know my situation,
please continue to pray for me...

2008-04-11T01:21:00.002+08:00

Long time never post something.
Time flies...

Although this is my Sabbath year, but then for the past 4 months, I don't think I get enough rest that I suppose to have.
Anyway, here I am to reflect what happened for the past 14 weeks.

The major chances inside me is I got more so called followers lo...From different events...and I get myself into trouble by helping out my fren in an huge event and the problems are not settled yet...till now...but for our understanding this should not happened...

Sigh...this is my last semester with my current coursemates also. This is the last semester I study with them.. Starting from next semester, I will be joining my juniors together... Although I know everything happen with a purpose but still deep inside me, I am still struggling...

Sigh..wat a semester...

going to give up all the posts I hold till now...Starting from next semester, I will be a FREE student!! a typical UTARian from then.

hahahaha...starting to feel sad to leave my busy life theim.. DILEMMA aaaa....

2008-04-04T15:23:00.002+08:00

Still blur about my future.
My parents and all the people about their age say I should continue.
People about my age will ask me to think what I really want.
People who are slightly elder than me will say that it is good to start thinking about your life.
People say this people say that?
But this is my life...HARLO?
get the point?

I prefer happiness rather than suffering.

Lets talk about happiness. Some people say once I enter actuary field, I will slowly become rich person and I have a higher chance to be happy. They claims that once you are rich, you will have a higher possibility to lead a happy life.

But the thing is. DOES RICH = HAPPY?

Hmm, okay. In another way of asking.

DO YOU PREFER TO DO THINGS AND MAKE YOU HAPPY?
OR
DO YOU PREFER TO DO THINGS HAPPILY?

2008-03-30T16:36:00.002+08:00

so long didn't write anything here.
this is a busy semester. just like the other semester.
sometime i will ask myself. "am i ready for a degree life?"
but frankly, this is my Y2S3, which means i am just 1 year plus, away from my convo.
haha. this is funny, when a Y2S3 guy is thinking whether he chose the right course or not.

anyway, please keep my in your prayer if you can remember.
i need support!!

btw, i am looking forward to my semester break.
finally for the first time i have my semester break.
(usually my semester break were occuppied with orientation preparations and lots of workloads.)
this semester break will be one of the most enjoyable moment in my life.
hehe. getting excited already...

2008-03-23T14:23:00.002+08:00

thanks to IreneC..long time never post but then the 1st post will be some tag questions again...

Instructions:Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
Mana tau. Ask God la. Depends on Him...

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
To a nurse or my parents I think. I don't know! (Which baby can remember this one? Duh...)

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?
Bernard (since he is bringing me along.), IreneC ( the person who tagged me.) ,and I will ask around and see who is willing to go...

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
As in now? Wanted to go to taiwan for a long time...But if I can only choose one, I will choose HEAVEN...

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
This stupid tag questions never appeared...

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Always. You want the pictures from me?

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Sorry to say but it is true...I cant live without internet...

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Give it to my parents and buy myself a bungalow...

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Of course I will choose the right timing...

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
( I choose to take out this question...My question will be... Tell one of the things you feel that it is wrong especiallty to the person who tagged you.)

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
At least she needs to be a Christian..

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
The person who likes TAG questions..

13. What is your ambition?
Definately not an ACTUARY~

14. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
Give me hints in good way...Just to avoid conflicts...

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
To know more about yourselves and to archieve your goals.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
Try on me~ just give me a credit card...

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
HIGH C ! ! ! !

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
Hmm...Can I choose not to change?

19. What makes you different?
my outstanding outfit. A small giant.

20. What is your record in sleep hours? (yea yea yea... my question)
The worse: didn't sleep for 3 days.
The best: more than 12 hours after 3 days(about 60 hours.)

People who I wanna tag: Let this flow just ends here.

2008-02-23T00:04:00.002+08:00

When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise...
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver...
The lips of the righteous nourish many...
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom...
The lips of the righteous know what is fitting...

- Proverbs 10:19-20,21,31,32

Wisdom is not only to speak but also to keep quiet. Heard of one story lately, will post the story up later. Basically it is about a man who replaced Jesus to listen to prayer for 20 minutes and he broke his promise to keep quiet and made the situation worse. Most of the people will say the moral of this story is to learn how to obey to God, and remind ourselves once again that the things God put in our lives which might seems to be something not so good but then God can turn other's mistake into a blessing in your life. But I see this story from a different way.

What things first come into my mind after the story is a soft voice reminding me to CONTROL MY TONGUE WISELY. When we pray to God to give us wisdom and give us to strength to do what we think this for Him, but have you ever realise that actually to remain silent, to keep quiet is actually very very very very hard? It is not only requires bravery, wisdom but also lots of other factors.

Every year I will have a silent retreat for myself for the past few years. I really enjoyed the environment but then it was easy for me as I usually picked a place where nobody can disturb me. But since this sermon, I have been trying till now also can't really control my tongue.

Be still and know that He is my God seems is really a big target for me.

2008-02-06T13:35:00.000+08:00

What is the hardest question to answer?

Mine one is kinda weird. So don't laugh!

Sometimes I am wondering whether I feel contended about my life now?

To be honest, I would say that I don't know. I am still kinda robotic. It just seems like there are so many programmes inside me. Until I know how to deal with the problems and I never know how I felt.

This seems to be the hardest question for me to answer now.

2008-02-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

A few random updates.

CNY is near. And lots of frens are back from all over the world. This is the best time for us to gather together again. Although this CNY break is not that long la. But this is a very good excuse for us to just throw away our school bags for a while to just sit back and relax. But this year I dont think I will be enjoying my CNY as I know right after CNY there will be lots of projects and things waiting for me. Lots of syllabus to catch up and event organizing projects to be done. ( For more information please login to my chinese blog.) and suddenly feel that I prayed for exits but what I am doing now is totally different from what I want.

Secondly, I am glad that God still using me to bless the people around me. I think He is trying to pull me out from the computer and use my gifts back to my church. He don't give me cases through internet already but my church members kept approaching me with problems. Still praying for directions.

3rd, I am still learning how to slow down my life and not to going too fast and make the enviroment around me keep changing. When I reflect back to the past few years. I think I am growing too fast for a Malaysian chinese male teenagers...

argh...still got things to write but I am not free suddenly...
got things to be done here urgently...
Will be continued till next time...

2008-01-28T15:41:00.000+08:00

Long time I didn't spend some time here. I rarely spend time for meditation since I come back from my CF retreat. Lots of things took place. And leading me to a situation that I am not comfortable with.

In summary, I need wisdom to deal with all the choices in front of me. Actually last Saturday I had a nice conversation with one of my CF advisors, she gave me lots of feedback. Although I know that she is still not very clear about "who is the real cheong keen aka XJian" but God told me lots of things through her mouth.

Ohya, Chinese New Year is near and soon I will be alone at home. For about 2 weeks time. So I think despite of the lectuers, I need to get my meals done. And the last thing for today is my wishlist for my CNY.

[1] more wisdom, strength, guidance and help from my Father in heaven.
[2] a mentor that really understand me or a few spiritual partners that I can share or a few co-workers that can share my workload. (hehe, better I can get all..)
[3] more time to mixed with my friends who has been missing for a long long time.
[4] hmm..save it first for next year.

haha. Anyway, if you (yes, i am you, the one who is reading!) feel that you need a companion during CNY, feel free to sms me. i will be very please to hang out with you.

2008-01-18T16:03:00.000+08:00

I never though my new semester will be that easy for me to attempt...
I though I would suffer and face lots of difficulties to a new life...
I though that the first few weeks of this semester is not going to be a easy one for me...
But it turns up to be quite good...

Just I am glad to say that I found my new target in life...
Hahaha...I did my retreat during CF retreat...
I managed to reflect back to my 2007 and write down all the resolutions for this year...
Some might say "I WANT MY 2007 BACK !" but for me I won't say so...
As I can see God's works in my life...

I wish to continue to grow in Him and be more like Him...
pray for me ya?

2008-01-05T03:02:00.001+08:00

Long time I didn't post anything here. Was too busy with all the events and my friend's problem. Went through a lot of things in this week. Quite tiring. Learnt more and more. Just a little sad case is I cant do my silent retreat before the new semester starts already simply because I don't have enough time. It seems like I am having a bad start in 2008.

God, I just want to put my life into Your hands again.
Mold me in Your way,
Grant me peace, strength and wisdom that I need,
Walk with me as I need You everyday.

Tell me what should I do to glorify Your name,
May all the works I do is in Your plan.
In Jesus' name I prayed,
Amen.

2007-12-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

I need a RRTREAT for myself.
I need a place to refocus my life, and refresh my body and my mind.
I can't do it at home as my home is so happening.
Somemore I need to go away from computers!!

Anyone need a retreat as well?
Or is there anyone want to join me?

2007-12-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

I got tagged by Bernard, and i'm just continuing the tradition. But originally I have to do it before Christmas but I modify for New Year.

Rules:
Each player of this game writes about his/her Christmas wishes. People who get tagged need to visit your blog to find out more, and then write about the same topic in their blogs. Player must state the rules clearly, and pass this on by tagging the same number of people. To tag someone, leave a comment in his/her blog and tell them that they have been tagged. Number of blogger to tag: up to you.

Now, my personal wish list for New Year. (Trying to get something out of my messy mind.)

Keep in touch often with my 3 spiritual life mates.
Blog more than current frequency.
Get my PSP or my money back A.S.A.P.
Try my best not to fail any papers.
Find more exits to my busy-ness and focus on my ministry.
Try to gain back the friendship among my church friends.
Must go travel to overseas for a trip. (BEST is Taiwan or Australia)

2007-12-15T23:27:00.000+08:00

cant really remember what i was doing for the past whole week...
was sitting for exams and was so busy to prepare all the wat wat reports...

everything was fine...today went out to Isaiah School interview again...
went to makan lots of good stuff in CHI CHEONG GAI with Mavis, Joshua and TingYun...
then after makan I went chit chat with Rev. Kwok...
and saw some of the 10th batch of Isaiah School students...

went around CHI CHEONG GAI to buy stuffs for them...
files, diaries...all those stationaries...
and spent a few hours inside the bookstore...

then have lunch with Rev...
we were discussing about next year great celebration for Isaiah School Graduation...
just realised that they are having big dreams for the celebration night!!!
so this year will be another tough year...

Daniel from http://christianhp.5d6d.com join us after he just came back from Dusun Eco (his church youth camp.) Was fooling around and playing around until 6 something then I sent him n TingYun back to Kepong...

hmm...and I still i cant really remember what I did for this past 7 days as I really blur now...
Am I getting older?

2007-12-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

Current Status:

Appeal being rejected...
Have to stay for one more semester...
(which means 3 subjects each semester for next 2 long semesters...)
Discussed with my parents...
And ended up with an order to continue this course...
Still full of depression...
Still lost the motivation to go on...
Feeling lost about my future...
Feeling not secure with my future...

Final going to start next week...
But my life is full of TV, movies and online games...

Feel bad when I am alone...
Pretending to be good when I am not alone...

2007-11-29T20:20:00.001+08:00

Lately I start to be active again in a local christian forum. Yesterday was talking to 2 fellows and trying to help them out in their life. But then today something happened which really discouraging and I finally voice out my wish to withdraw and we had a short conversation.

Today I woke up around quite late and I missed out the 1st lecture and I was thinking if I should go for my second lecture which I know it doesn't help much for my final. But I have a strong feeling that urge me to go so I went there. And once I entered classroom, my classmates asked me to take the exams slip with them. And soon I realised I cant sit for Simulation semester final exams. I was shocked because my course tutor promised me before the semester starts and my lecturer Mr. Liew actually helped me to double confirmed if I can proceed which the answer is yes as well. But why I don't have authourization to sit for exams?

I tried to called Mr Liew, but I think he finally departed. He is on a 10 days leave. I can't really recall who Mr Liew went to. I smsed him also no reply. So I moved on to Dr Ngerng, my course tutor. After he sent me the e-mail before semester starts, then no more reply even I e-mailed me for a few times. He wasn't there even thou I looked for him for a few times.

I went up to DSA and from there I only know that he is also on leave. Nobody knows when he is coming back and as I know he is currently rushing for his own research. Haih. Finally I got advise from FGO and they asked me to look for Dr. Goh my Head of Department. Been waiting for him for around half an hour and caught him on his half way going back. We had a very very short conversation and I have to hand in appeal letter as soon as possible.

I feel discouraging as this is not my first time to have such thoughts to just quit. Since year 1 sem 2, I am thinking of withdraw till today. I wish to quit not because I think I failed just one paper but personally I know that most probably after I graduate, I won't look for a job in this field. But I face a bigger problem now which is I don't know if I can graduate or not. What a silly questions, of course I can graduate, just depends on how many years it takes me to graduate.

Pray for me la. I lost the motivation to continue my course. I just pray that I am growing on the right path He arranged for me.

Thanks for your patience to finish reading this crapping thing.

2007-11-28T00:51:00.000+08:00

Having fever right now. Thanks to my wisdom teeth. Yes, 2 growing at the same time at the same side. Sigh, suffering sangat.

Change a new picture. Will keep edit until I satisfied.
New Motto, New Target, New LIFE.

I love the back ground so much. Initially I draw lots of squares n it reminds me about the city's structure if you view it from the top but after the words, i fade out almost 50% of the spaces and now I don't really like it already.

If anyone can help, please help me.
the original black and white city structure thing is here.
http://i100.photobucket.com/albums/m1/xiang2jian4/black_white.png

2007-11-26T00:21:00.000+08:00

It is almost my limit. So many things waiting for me to finish. Just hope that I can do just like the verse says " Be still and know that He is God" I still believe He is still taking good care over me. Just the help that I need is on the way.

I had been doubting about my future lately. Should I continue my Actuarial Science studies or should I move to my other interests? I don't know. Haven't really talk to my parents since they are like so excited about my future career as an Actuary.

Even if I can just quit. I already wasted 2 years here. I must not waste another few years. What kind of job that I can really handle, and I need to do it for about half of my life? I just don't want to get stucked with something that I don't like.

Haih. Life is full of choices.
Choose yours wisely.

2007-11-21T01:43:00.000+08:00

Ecclesiastes chapter 3 says that

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.......

God, I pray for myself to have the right attitude and grow on the right path...
I need wisdom to deal with all the difficulties that almost drown me...
I wish I can be more like You and I may see everything as You see them...
Guide me and show me the way You want me to live.
In Jesus's name, AMen.

2007-11-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

O Father, In this time of need, strengthen me.
You are my strength and my shield;
You are my refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
I know, Father, that Your eyes go to and fro throughout the earth
to strengthen those whose hearts long for You.
The body grows weary, but my hope is in You to renew my strength.
I do not fear, for You are with me.
I am not dismayed or overwhelmed, for You are my God.
I know You will strengthen me and help me;
that You will uphold me with Your righteous hand.
Even as the shadows of illness cover me,
I feel the comfort of Your strength.
And Father Lord,
I pray for courage as I understand that
there is work to be done, burdens to be carried,
feelings to be shared and joys to be celebrated.
Grant me the courage to be silent that I may hear Thy voice;
to persevere, that I may share Thy victory;
and to remember,
lest I forget the way by which Thou has led me.
And when this day is done,
O Lord, may I have the courage to see
Thy guiding hand in the friendships that have been made,
in the hurts that have been healed,
and in the strength that has been given.
In Jesus's name,
Amen.

God said; "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. " - Joshua 1:6

2007-11-14T23:48:00.000+08:00

Today was a hard day for me...

I woke up around 830am, then started to do my moral project (which i was doing for my other group members) until almost 2pm. Supposingly I have to reach UTAR by 2pm le. SRC photo taking is 2pm. RCM meeting is 2pm. UTAR President's Meeting with Student Leaders also 2pm.

I don't know how I survived but just I managed to reach UTAR before 230pm and everything was done and I managed to reach the President's briefing on time. Was stucked there by introducing new society policy. What a stupid policy to charge us for rental especially when we already pay UTAR that much of money.

Anyway, there are 2 things that make me very happy today is first, I met 5 secondary classmates whom are chairperson and vice chairperson in society or club. I was so shocked when I first saw them. And they are still remembering my name. Haha. Then from here I start to remember last time when there was a urgent meeting for big school event, half of my class would be out there for urgent meetings and another half left inside the class, hahaha. Of course I am one of them who went out.

Second thing is actually I realise I am having a good relationship with lots of people which I didn't realise at first. Ehm, hahaha. Today a lot of people trying to talk to me and I realised I am one of the popular ones also. Hehe. It just make me feel so good.

2007-11-11T22:32:00.000+08:00

I joined UTAR FICT 2008 January Orientation Committees again.
I have a few posts which together make me a kinda weird person.
I am from SRC, treasurer for RCM, vice-chairperson for Ice-Breaking.
Weird weird weird. I thought I asked for exits.
I swear this is the last time I waste my time on these.
CF needs me more.

But I met lots of new friends.
At least I gained something.
hahhahahha.

2007-11-10T00:10:00.000+08:00

I was being little bit crazy this week.
I bought a new headset. I ate a lot.
I spent a lot compared to my normal life.
and I just decided to buy myself a PSP for my birthday and Christmas.

Weird. Haha.
It is just not my style.

Just now went to yumcha with yaofong, howmun and wenying.
When I told them i might be going to Taiwan next year.
XJian : "Eh, now not going to Kampar liao hor? "
XJian :"Then I might save enough money for my next year Taiwan trip."
YFong:"You got money meh?"
XJian:"Next year got so many events, can cari makan la."
WenYing suddenly laugh non-stop.
She said I kept mentioning about cari makan.

Haha. Nah, see this !
This is more XJian.
Hahahahahaha.

2007-11-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

:: CHRISTIANS ARE NOT PERFECT ::

Today had a bad conversation with one of my friends whom are doing the same Moral project with me. She was the leader but based on lots of factors, I don't think she is capable to handle the job. There are one particular person who can actually fit the post. And all she could do is keep receiving the wrong message and pist off.

Later her msn shoutout shows this...
"today I see someone true colours.."

Both of us are christians, and I just don't know how to settle this. She said she will pretend not to angry with me until the project finish. From my point of view, I don't know why people judge things emotionally. She actually caused another person to misunderstand me as well but I managed to explain the whole thing. I thought she knows me, I thought she will understand. But today she was just another person.

Whatever, life has to be continue no matter what.

2007-10-29T22:18:00.001+08:00

my wisdom teeth are growing...
2 in the same time... coincidentally...
both are on the same side...
OUCH... I feel so pain...
I cant really chew my food...
I feel pain wen i just move a little bit...
So don't come and ask me to talk or shout or sing...
I WILL KILL YOU~

AAARRRGGGHHH~ ~ ~

2007-10-25T22:59:00.000+08:00

pray for me..
I am facing problems here..

If I cannot retake one particular subject this semester..
(which is the 1st and only subject I fail till now...)
That means I have to delay one sem n waste one long sem study nothing and I will graduate one year later than my current coursemates.. and I dun wan tat..

pray for me...
really scare and worry now...

2007-10-25T00:09:00.000+08:00

Today is a busy day. Or I shall not use the word BUSY as I just learn a lesson today. " BUSY " not always equal to you wont have time for something else. Actually it is all about PRIORITY.

I had a golden chance to talk to Matthew Choong today during CF. In addition, something happened in my CG. I truly feel like God want me to be active again in serving.

"Am I well prepared?" Or maybe I should ask, "Do I layak to ask the question?"

Pray la...
Support everything with prayer...

2007-10-23T22:18:00.001+08:00

I meet Joyce yesterday. When I reached campus super duper early for a car park, I went to have breakfast alone and I met her there, alone as well, waiting for her boy boy to reach campus.

Comparing her life to mine, I think her case is more "charm". Not attending services, nor youth, nor cg, nor CF...in addition she has a non-christian boy boy now. hmm, sounds not very nice to me...

anyway, i shall not comparing myself to her. Just make her life a reminder for myself not to get into this trouble again. I know how she feels and I know it is very hard to come back to the correct path.

2007-10-21T17:49:00.000+08:00

oh my gosh ! ! !

usually people only take 2 subjects during short semester but this particular short semester I have to take 4 subjects... somemore 1 of the 4 is a 4-credit hour subjects...i am gonna die soon...very very soon...

pray for me la...i dunno how am i going to survive in this short semester...somemore i am the only CF committee left behind...wat can i do??

aaarrrrrrrrrrrr~~~~~

2007-10-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

I haven't really come out with a nice vision statement but instead of playing around with words, I spent a few days meditating about my past and what are those greatest gifts inside me. Trying to figure out towards which direction God is bringing me to.

After long time(not really long also), I realise I am good in a few things,

1.Bible Knowledge (gained in Bible School and backed-up with experiences in serving since I was 12 till now)
I always give my church members a image that is "Cheong Keen knows a lot about bible" or " Bible questions? ask Cheong Keen then" these impression. And practically still I am mentoring some teenagers through forum and Internet.

2.Organizing and Leadership
I was well trained to be a leader since I was 12. It is a gift from God that I managed to become part of the committees no matter what society or fellowship I joined since I was 12 (Church Youth Fellowship, Secondary School Society, UTAR Christian Fellowship, Student Representative Committee, and etc). But weird things is most of the posts I took is the treasurer.

3.Knowing more new friends.
I found out that I can easily gain trust from new friends and they can share with me like a friend who know them well and truly understand them. I figured it out when most of my new friends told me so. Surprisingly this applies to those whom I never talk to them face to face. Maybe through MSN Messenger or forum, I can easily gain their trust as well.

4.InternetI can spend more than 10 hours in front of my computer when I was having holiday.
I know how the Internet works, although I know nothing about the hardware, but I know slightly a bit more than normal computer users. Last year I had a 3-month-holiday and I managed to build a Chinese christian forum and 3 blogs for other churches and fellowships. And I started mentoring a few teenagers through the Internet.

******************************************************************************
My 1st draft is
My vision is to help people explore the issue of God through the Internet and helping them to experience and reflect the goodness of God that they may be God-like in their lives.

My 3 verbs chosen is EXPLORE, CONSTRUCT, and REFLECT.
** I don't know whether this 3 verbs that suits me the best. But yet I feel comfortable with it.

My core value is God-likeness.
** I always remind myself to be more like Jesus. And the phrase "WWJD" really works for me. But I don't know if I want the people around me to be the same with me.

My target group is Internet Users (or maybe only youngsters?).

****************************************************************************
There is a aptitude test I took last year in my bible school. I found it online and was quite helpful to help me know myself even better. I hope it will help you to know me better. And the results are
PERSUASIVE - 95,
SCIENCE - 90,
ASSERTIVE - 85,
ADMINISTRATION - 81,
SALES - 76,
TEACHING/SOCIAL SERVICE - 76,
PERSONAL SERVICE - 74,
SYSTEMATIC - 72,
CLERICAL - 49,
WRITING - 41,
ART - 31,
HEALTH SCIENCE - 25,
FOOD SERVICE - 10,
INDUSTRIAL ART - 6,
OUTDOOR - 3.

The report recommended to go for those which I get 70 or above but the thing is i got almost half above 70 which is slightly amazed my mentor. And he said I will need longer time to really figure out my vision.
***********************************************************************

2007-10-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

Yea...finally I join the group of twenties officially today...

I was so busy during this semester break...1 week used for CF camp preparation...1 week used for CF camp...and the last week to settle the documents which I supposed to finish long long time ago and yea, I went back to Ipoh as well...And yea, my birthday is coming to an end in abt 34 minutes...

the particular week for CF camp preparation was tiring but fun...for me is like putting a nice full stop for my 1st batch CF committees work...I don't know if we can really become tat close coz throughout the whole year we were like...hmm...hahaha....anyway...a special thanks to Dewgem, SuiLi, Joanne Lee, Tan Jo-N, Bernard, David, and JingHau...I really thankful for your presence in my life...

CF camp was great...even it is last minutes work but God has turned it into a blessing for others...Glory unto Him...everything was good especially accommodation, food and workshops...the feedback was great...I really can see God's hand working among us...and this camp is my very first time to have SIEW YOOK in camp...walau e...SIEW YOOK le...dun play play...

and skip the documnets part...personally I don't think this part is that memorable...hahaha...

Ohya...I went back to Ipoh on Thursday morning and reach my KL house at 530am Saturday...hahaha...went back as joanne lee invited us...we had a great makan trip...Dewgem, Bernard, JingHau, Justin and me departed from PJ on thursday...reach around 3pm as some small tiny problems happened to Bernard's car...but in this trip, we had lots of great food...hahaha...cant wait to see all the photos taken by Joanne Lee..and some funny part is origianlly we wanted to come back on friday morning but then haha..we all makan until late supper then went back to Joanne's house and rest for a while...we actually departed around 230am...superb driver Bernard safely bring us to KL, not to mention in 1 piece...

hahaha....my bday....hmm...read my chinese blog then...

2007-10-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

Dear God,

Help me to get a clear vision from you. I need to refocus my life. I know shotting without aiming, the bullets will hit targets because we dont really focus on 1 targets. Help me to grow to be more like you, mold me so that ppl can see you thru me, make me a blessing from You to ppl around me...

I pray for all my frens, all those names inside my mind...U love them and I believe you still taking good care of them...And i believe u never fails~

In Jesus name I pray,
AMEN.

2007-10-01T23:32:00.001+08:00

I just know I fail one of my papers...is "F"ail..not D...and I cannot proceed to 4 subjects next semesters now...(short semester 1 subject and long semester 3 subjects) Please remember me in prayer as I totally don't know what to do...my CGPA sure lower than 2 and I don't know if I should go for supp paper...

My supp paper is on 6 Oct which is the last day of CF camp...I am one of the main organizers and it is kind of impossible to hand over my stuffs to others...Even I manage to come back 1 day earlier, I don't think I have enough time to prepare for the supp paper...But if I fail...I cant proceed to many subjects...So I am in dilemma now...Please continue to remember me in your prayer...

Thanks...

2007-09-29T12:43:00.000+08:00

went back to Wed Youth CG... It has been ages since my last CG... Just everything changed... Am i changing too fast or just I am the only one who never change? hmm, another deep question...

it was a good experience... At least I am glad that I went back... They are facing problem again and I don't know if I can offer any help... Just for that particular night, I feel the distance between me n my church youths are getting smaller... Someday I sure have to get rid of this gap...

Anyway, looking forward to CF camp now... Haha... Cameron ! Here I come~~~~

2007-09-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

exam papers are driving me crazy...
oh Father, a little bit help is needed here~

juz 3 more days~
TAHAN~

haih...

2007-09-19T14:35:00.000+08:00

HoOraY~ ~ I PASS MY 1st PAPER~
..:: Theory of Interest ::..
hahahaha....i am extremely happy now~
Thank God for His mercy and grace...
haha...happy~ haha...
wat is the hige rank of "BLISS" a?
i am in the same level now~ hahahahaha....

2007-09-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i will be wondering if the course i am taking now is the right path that He leads me to...Sometimes i just feel lost...i dunno if i am doing this for wat purpose...will i bcum an actuary? i dunno...but i am edi half way to the finish line...juz 1n half year more to finish my course...but still i am doubting about myself...

i wont forget about my calling...but i just dunno y i am stuked in the middle of something tat i dun wan for 3 years...will it helps for my future ministry? i dunno...

haih...dilemma~~

2007-09-15T23:37:00.000+08:00

erm...i din realise that there are some frens who drop by regularly even i stop writing constantly...haha..i am very happy to know tat...2 papers down and 2 more to go...
sometimes i was wondering...wat i am doing now? am i having great faith on him or i am abusing His mercies...

I dare not to try my best to finish all the notes before i go to rest...This never happened to me...I just dunno wat to do with my current situation...

another thing is my dad asked me, if next year i wanna hold a bday party for myself anot...but i just dunno...if i am going to hold this party...i dunno how many ppl will show up...my primary skolmates, my secondary skolmates, my choir members, my church frens, other church frens, Isaiah Skolmates, e-fellowship members, my coursemates, my campus Christians Fellowship members, my fans club members, my neighbours...erm...does it sounds exciting? but honestly just thinking of the possible namelist is a headache...so i decided not to think of it...

2007-09-13T09:24:00.000+08:00

What can I say?
hahaha....
I am still having exams...
n I always spending hours with my computer...

hahaha...going to die soon...
very soon....

XD....

2007-09-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

time flies...
even I stop blogging, but still, my life is so happening...
lots of things took place...what kinda life style that I want?
what life that i wish i could lead? or wait, another simple questions...
am I now LEADING the life or the life is LEADING me?
honestly I dunno...it has been ages I dun back to God, to spend some quite time that really touch until the bottom of my heart...

I was so active inside this cyber world...but now what I get?
I dun have time for my old friends...a couple weeks ago, I said something at somewhere and now I start doubting myself...

I said : "Even we are in the cyber world, but the bonds between us is so real..."

I start doubting...not doubting on the truth of this statement nor existance of the bond but HOW SECURE AND HOW STRONG A RELATIONSHIP CAN LAST WITH INTERNET CONNECTIONS ONLY? If either one cant go online, is tat means this relationship is over?

I miss my blogging life, I miss the days that I can waste a few hours online surfing others' blogs and chatting thru MSN...I juz like to build up relationships...I like to expose myself to as many people as I can...but, is it still possible?

2007-09-03T01:44:00.000+08:00

my Y2S1 semester is coming to the end. My final is coming soon. Just 1 week to go before I really commit suicide. This time, as usual, I will spend some tim to reflect and replan the whole thing before I move on to my Y2S2.

As usual, I am more responsibility on my shoulders now. Excluding my studies and the busy schedule. I am the CF vice chairperson, FICT SRC Auditor (most probably will promote as Treasurer as the current Treasurer will withdraw) and Tank Fansclub Malaysia President.

CF changed. Old committees never show up already. And this semester I absent for a few times as the SRC is really time-comsuming.

My groupmates are closer but then here I would like to mention 1 of my groupmates that really pist me off. She kept talking the whole group and treat us like invisible. She still can like smiling in front of you but she will do something else at your back. Sometimes I think I better keep a distance from her as I have no time for this things. I talk to u regarding this is because I think u derserves a chance to change. But u disappointed me. And now u r talking abt me. Y should I be the target?

Less ppl will talk to me with serious topic as I wont spend time for them now. I am very active in forum now. Even I am that busy but for those inside the forum will think that I am a super duper free man.

Other things remain unchange I think. Still I am not joining MYF and etc.

2007-08-26T21:29:00.000+08:00

2day I din went for church. I confessed. Then I remember about one of the bible verse saying that carry the meaning "You shall not stop yourselves from fellowship just like those who already get used to it."

Suddenly I was thinking if this verse is just simply carry the message as we read or Jesus have His purpose behind it?

How if a person who cannot attend church or fellowship but he has a close relationship with God everyday? Is he a good christians? Who to judge whether he is or not? Who will set the standard? Is this a sin?

Or just simply compared to a person who attend church regularly, then whose crown will be bigger if they both face God at the end of the world?

But then if a person decided not to go, is it because of having not enough faith on God? This is because I believe that God never stop his people from coming to church. He wont allow contrast happens from what He taught us.

So? this questions remain unknown until next time I ask any pastor.

2007-08-20T20:41:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since my last time trying to write something here.
Still, I am a busy students. Haha. Sometimes I was shocked when I look back to what I archieved.

Haha. My exams timetable is out~
So, wish me luck.

10/9 monday theory 9-11am
15/9 saturday econs 2-4pm
22/9 saturday adv cal 2-4pm
25/9 tuesday prob & stat 9-11am

hahaha...
will come back later....

2007-08-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

1 week i din write anything here already...just was busy...even i have time to write and i feel that i suppose to write something here, i just don't know what to write here...not feeling like to jot down even a small thing...but one of my friends who was an active blogger also update his blog again...and surprisingly he asked me to drop him a message...haha...he is getting popular la...being a moderator @ 8TV there...every night talking to lots of people who are willing to burn their money just for sms to TV station and try to get a few more friends there...okay, back to topic, I was suprised because he said he don't want people to know what he is thinking...weird right? but he is doing a job that bring him to expose to lots of people.

haha...today morning I wake up and check mail n I realise my test on last Sat, i do tat perfectly~
i get 50 out of 50...then I went to sing K with mt group mates~haha..treat it as a celebration~
was singing like crazy~haha...videos soon will be uploaded (i think) as they always crazy for youtube~ then you guys can see how crazy I was~

haha...today my dad met another accident...n his words surprised me also...
he said "this month why our family always get involved in car accident, so unlucky~"
is it a mature christians should say something like that?
is christians believe in LUCK?

what a day,
full of surprises~

2007-07-31T01:17:00.000+08:00

for the past 2 weeks i was busy until erm a bumble bee?
hahahaha...was happy now as finally i can take a few seconds to stop and breath as i was rushing here n there n totally doing lots of things tat are not really related...

but for you guys information, i was wondering if i want to change course but now i made up my mind to continue~ the surroundings may not be so positive towards what I am expecting (haha...majority is because of my coursework marks and test result) but since i am the one who started this, I will continue until the end as if i change course aso no use~ i will have to give up UTAR CF and FICT SRC~ although Academic matters and these 2 affiliation are killing me but then still i think that this time of period is molding me as a better person for future~

i am very looking forward to sing at genting this december~ i miss my choir and now i am given a chance to sing christmas song at Genting for 2 weeks then free accommodation and meals and then got salary somemore...i wont call it carolling as i am christians and i kno this group of choir members are not spreading the good news so i will juz call it a christmas song performance...

2007-07-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

long time since my last post...
just temporarily finish all my mid terms and rest for 1 week time...
Next week still got 2 major paper to go...
but i cant rest as this week i have to settle CF camp budget and i am the PersonInCharge for this week.

so tat means no rest for me...
the other CF camp committees are not willing to help out aso...
all disappeared edi...

haih...
juz change my focus from my studies to CF for 1 week...

looking forward to have a long holiday~~

2007-07-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

Just help a fren of mine to go back to my Daddy in heaven.
After a long discussion, finally she agree to go back to Him even she dare not to face him.
This is something common which lots of christians will face eventually.
Sometimes we just dare not to come closer to God.
Sometimes we feel unworthy coz we are so small and we always do the wrong thing.
And sometimes i feel like i am so unprepared to see God and for the judgement day aso.

But an e-mail changes my mind.
An article who wrote by a 17-year-old boy.

The Room...
(spend some time reading it. Trust me, it is so worthy.)

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles byauthor or subject in alphabetical order.

But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seeminglyendless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I have liked." Iopened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked torealize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifelessroom with its small files was a crude catalogue system for my life. Here werewritten the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed."The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at."

Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at mybrothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to besurprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected.Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.

Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth.Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched, "I realizedthe files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly andyet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew thatfile represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill runthrough my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No onemust ever see these cards!

No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzyI yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it andburn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I beca! me desperate and pulled out a card,only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterlyhelpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall,

I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it... The title read,"People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands.

I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came.

I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from theoverwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filledeyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him.

Not here.

Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the filesand read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped myhead, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over andput His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one endof the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him.

All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.! Hisname shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, sodark, and so alive.

The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign thecards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. Heplaced His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Phil. 4:13

2007-07-03T16:55:00.000+08:00

today is a happy day...went to see tutor for assignment 2 and i managed to keep all my scores...haha...and then after that i went to Sunway to have my lunch with ChianPeng, KianHow and HanWu...everything is okie and i get to know KianHow better except for his 38 38 way and the HanWu I know is back~ (cause lately he was acting very strange in campus.)

But still there are a lot of things waiting for me this week.

GAMBATE la...

2007-07-01T23:21:00.000+08:00

this week will be a busy week.
Tues - PnS Assignment_2 (go see tutor).
Wed - PNS Assignment 3 + AS talk.
Fri - Matthew Choong's bday.
Sat - Theory of Interest MidTerm + Calculus test + Sister's Wedding.
Microeconomics Assignment need to start liao...week 8 hand in and this is week6.

God...pls gv me wise timemanagement.