Monday, April 30, 2007
I was having final for the past 2 weeks and 2 more papers to go.
But this final really make me lost my mind.
I had never been so nervous.
I couldn’t really sleep well and even I couldn’t fall asleep.
I seem like getting use to the days which I cannot sleep well.
Even when I was facing my UEC and SPM, I never feel that scare.
I could lie on bed for about 2 hours but still I would have a fresh mind.
Honestly I confess that I was giving too much pressure on myself.
I never listen to most of the lectures for this semester.
Since week 2 or 3, I was either doing my own thing, or chit-chatting with my friends or I was sleeping.
Because I think it is unworthy to listen to those lectures.
I admit that I don’t have that good of patient.
I am having bad lecturers for this semester.
Half of them are new.
They are not prepared for lectures.
They kept giving the wrong information and even wrong tutorial answers.
But soon I realize I am the one who is going face the bad consequences.
I was worry so much until I couldn’t sleep.
But I am really thankful for having a bunch of true friends who really cares about me.
I sent sms for help. Gladly they replied me with encouraging words.
Most of them said I was so nervous, so I listened to them.
I went to youtube and 56.com for some video clips.
From there I discovered a new Chinese Artist Group.
Since last week, I kept looking for their information through search engines.
After reading their blogs and watching the drama,
I kept wondering a lot of questions and then soon I became depressed.
Why my lives turn up to be this?
Why no one try to bother me already?
Why my secondary school life was like that?
Why I enter UTAR FICT?
Why I am not going to Youth Fellowship?
Why I never receive any sms from my secondary school friends?
Why? Why? WHY? WWWHHHYYY???
A lot of questions popped up in my mind until I couldn’t really focus on my studies.
I don’t know since when I receive no sms from my secondary school friends.
What I can remember is it has been ages since my last hang out with secondary school friends.
What I was being hurt so badly is the moment when I realize most of my best friends in secondary school life decided to go to Redang without inviting me.
I thought I will be fine. But soon I realize I really mind about these tiny little things.
Just I never tell you guys about it. But I kept emphasizing on the wound until I really cannot think of anything.
I feel that I no longer know myself very well.
My life plan is now totally messed up.
I don’t know what kind of roles I am playing.
I don’t know how or where should I go on.
Even I cannot answer a simple question like “who am i?”
I just need someone to listen to me, to give me encouragement, or just company me.
I thought I am a good friend to most of the people around me.
But now it seems like I am the only one who think so.
Maybe you will ask why I am so serious about these tiny things.
But I just can’t help myself with that.
I am a person who looks into this matter very seriously.
Once I sort of like “set” you as my good friend, then I will treat you very nicely.
Even though I know being good doesn’t always pay off.
But I still think that it’s good to be nice.
Some fellow think that I’m thinking too much.
From final exams to drama; from drama to blogs; and from blogs to my own life.
After final, I have 3 weeks holiday.
In these 3 weeks I will try to meet up with every friends.
Just hope that you guys will show up when you receive my sms or MSN messages.
My mobile phone number is still the same.
Contact me if you are willing to hang out with me.
God Bless U n ME...
written by, Xiang2Jian4...
11:21 PM